


a bad idea

by lemonuke



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is a mess, Please be nice, adjskhdsjhbjc, all the boys are soft, boy oh boy, but dumb, have fun reading folks, i blame becky for this, i have no idea how weed works so sorry if the phrasing is weird, just so dense, smoker Js au, this is my first one, thomas is actually a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:05:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonuke/pseuds/lemonuke
Summary: inspired by freesmoochies' stoner Js au on tumblr, where john and thomas are smoking buddies -and occasionally make out messes-. this is my own hc on how they got to that stage, and the reasons for it, enjoy!~





	a bad idea

**Author's Note:**

> If you know if freesmooches' au on tumblr, this is placed before the events of alex inviting maria to stay over. I hc that james is close to maria and they've been sneaking around to meet up to help maria's situation, so that 1. king's gang doesnt catch them, and 2. thomas doesnt catch them and elevate the matter. Also, alex is a lowkey player in this fic, where he has a major crush on john, but is thoroughly convinced that john will never fall for someone like him. As a result, he has a lot of hookups to try and make up the place that he wants john to be in. some thomas×john here, spin it as you will~

_a bad idea_

It was an accident really, a matter of chance that shouldn't have meant anything. John was walking down to the empty carpark he often frequented when he caught the sight of a dim profile of someone else exhaling a haze of grey, blurring his outline.

At first, john didn't mind him. It was a free city, and he definitely wasn't in any position to tell someone else off for smoking so much weed. He settled himself under a street lamp and began to inhale deeply. He had came back to their apartment late after work, and after catching Alex sound asleep in bed with a girl burrowed in his side, the faint but unmistakable smell of alcohol in the air, well, John needed an extra smoke that day. Desperately. 

_a bad idea_

It was a bad idea to fall for your dense player of a best friend. John knew that. But as hard as he tried to meet new people, form new relationships and hookups, his mind would always inevitably wander back to Alex. beautiful, intelligent, non-stop Alex who had a mind deeper than the ocean and more frenzied than a hurricane. Sweet sensitive Alex who never knew how to think before he acted, but knew how to calm John during a panic attack and depressive episodes, who knew all of John's favourite books and movies, who cooked John his favourite blueberry pancakes every Sunday morning even though he sucked at it, who- who...

 Who was a _bad idea._

 John sniffed and tilted his head back, eyes closed in an attempt to keep his tears locked behind his eyelids, behind closed doors, behind everything. Because loving Alex was a bad idea, but one that he couldn't seem to get rid of.

 "Hey...you okay, Laurens?"

 John's eyes snapped open. He squinted up at the figure looming over him, trying to place the familiar voice that belonged to it. Suddenly, it clicked.

 "...Jefferson? Is...is that you?"

The guy nodded in confirmation, a little awkward but sure. "Yeah. So...whats uh...whats wrong? Don't get me wrong, I still cant stand your guts and the fact that you're basically attached to Hamilton at the hip but- hey shit are you okay?"

John stopped listening. At the mention of Alex's name, it was all he could do not to completely break down. Instead, he settled for hiding his face in his hands, eyes closed shut, because the reality of it all was _too much goddammit,_ and John was far too tired and helpless to even try and stop the tears from spilling over.

After a few minutes, John felt the shuffle and shift of the air beside him, felt the warmth of Thomas sitting down next to him. Heard his heavy sigh.

"...It's about Alex...isn't it?" 

Numbly, John nodded.

"...Do you love him?"

_A bad idea,_ john told himself, _a very bad idea, the dumbest idea, to treat the love of your life's worst enemy as a therapist, you're supposed to hate him for god's sake..._

 But looking at Thomas' open face, his kind eyes lined with concern, blurred by the haze that surrounded them, almost dream-like and unreal...John crumbled.

 "Yeah." He laughed bitterly, "Yeah, i do."

Thomas sighed in response, and stared down at the cracked stone pavement beneath them. He seemed lost in thoughts, and didn't respond for a few minutes. 

"Same boat."

"What?"

"Same boat." 

"Oh...you and madison?"

Thomas hummed in confirmation, and took a long drag on his joint. 

"I...I saw his phone, he'd been talking a lot to this one chick...Maria, i think her name was...anyway, apparently they'd been meeting in private a lot, sneaking around before and after classes...they didn't say much in their messages but...well what else could it be?" Thomas paused, closing his eyes in a desperate but futile attempt to stop the tears from forming. they trickled gently down his cheeks, and rolled off onto the floor. He sighed. "I've been in love with him for so long. _So long._ but he's so hard to read and I don't-" He sniffed before continuing softly, his voice almost inaudible. "I don't stand a chance." 

John looked on in pity. They were more alike than either of them would have thought. He waited a few minutes before starting.

"...I came back late, long classes you know..." He hesitated, but Thomas nodded him on. "Well...when I got back, Alex was asleep with a girl next to him. I didn't recognise her. It doesn't even matter who she was. Just the fact that he could have anyone whenever he wants, just..." John sighed. The sentence was too heavy for him to continue. But Thomas seemed to understand. he quietly slipped his hand in John's and squeezed it, a smile tugging at his lips. A sincere one. A kind one. A real one.

_a bad idea._

They sat there for a while, the silence of night punctured only by their occasional sighing, breathing in the weed that was their last efforts to try and ease up from the reality of reciprocated love that was crashing down heavily on either of them. 

Suddenly, John heard a sniff. He looked to his left and saw Thomas hastily wiping his nose with the back of his hand, unwilling to make eye contact. But that didn't cover the tear tracks on his cheeks, nor the slumped heaviness of his shoulders - the image of a man who had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, and nothing to love. John felt a sudden urge to protect him.

"Hey, hey...c'mere." John scooted closer to Thomas and held him gently in his arms. He hadn't expected him to fit so well into his embrace...but he had.

_a bad idea._

Thomas sobbed quietly into John's chest, folding instantly into the warmth of this man whom he had never known beyond their disputes and arguments, but yet could show him so much kindness in his time of vulnerability and need.

"Alex must be stupid as hell to not fall for you." Thomas mumbled.

For a terrifying second, he could feel John tense up at his declaration, and he immediately worried that he had said something terribly wrong. But then John relaxed, and Thomas felt his body shake as the younger man let out a sudden laugh.

_that laugh._

John had a laugh like wind chimes in the spring, as bright as a morning sunrise and as light as a summer's breeze. and Thomas, folded within his secure embrace, thought that maybe daybreak was coming, because the space around them seemed to glow.

_a bad idea._

"Why, thank you." John said when he had stopped, looking down at Thomas with a crooked smile playing on his lips, a newfound brightness in his eyes that hadn't been there all night.

_i did that._ Thomas tried to push the thought away, in vain.

"And, for what it's worth," John started, snapping Thomas out of his thoughts, "James is an idiot for not falling for you too."

thomas stared.

john stared back.

_a bad idea._

neither of them cared.

Suddenly, John's lips were on Thomas', his hands falling on the older boy's unkempt and curly hair, pulling him closer and closer, trying to close whatever gap remained between them. They pushed and pulled into the kiss, eyes squeezed shut, trying to replace the reality of it all with their own fantasy. Trying to replace the guy that sat in front of them with the guy that they loved and longed for. The guy that they needed so desperately to be theirs. The guy that they knew never would.

After a long few minutes, they pulled away from each other, breathless from the kiss, from the weight of it, from their fantasy of it, from what they tried to make it mean. John opened his eyes, and saw himself reflected in the irises of Thomas' dark brown ones, his face so close that John could see every freckle, every dimple, every curve etched on it. And- _he was breathtaking._

_a bad idea. a very bad idea._

john didn't know if he cared anymore.

Thomas smiled softly, a subtle blush spreading across his cheeks, and John forgot how to breathe.

"So...what now?"

John swallowed. "Well...kissing you was...was nice."

Thomas raised his eyebrow teasingly, "Is that so?" 

John felt his heart quicken, and forced himself to shrug indifferently in response. "mhm."

Thomas laughed silently, his eyebrows knitting together in amusement. For a moment, he looked young and carefree and beautiful as ever. John couldn't remember about Alex at all. 

"Well," Thomas started, looking back up into john's eyes, those gorgeous pools of crystal green and blue flecked with gold, "I wouldn't mind if we continued."

_a bad idea. a bad idea. a bad idea._

"...yeah, neither would i."


End file.
